The first time I shared about my abortions was terrifying. I knew that God was calling me to freedom and I trusted him, but the stigma surrounding this topic felt paralyzing. I found myself thinking: bring it to the light- then we can move on! My mentality was still stuck on that was bad. But God wanted to move me into true freedom where he boasts: watch what I can do with it. Can freedom mean more than healing... can it be a place where God takes ground in other people's lives if we only shift our mindset?
Personally, I was afraid that my mistakes would define me, but instead, God gave ME the opportunity to define my mistakes. Here's where the difference is: I could look back and have regrets and shame, hang my head and try to leave it all in the dark, or I can choose to see it for what it is: the place where God rescued me from- depression, drug addiction, self-loathing- and then I get to define those memories by using them as a tool for good. They become the starting point of miracles I have seen come to pass. Addictions broken. Shame released. Darkness foiled by His light of grace. By recalling the miracles and promises I have already seen fulfilled- especially the ones I deemed as failures- I created a track record of confidence in God. So no matter what I do or did, I can’t turn His love away. No matter how much I think I have messed up, God will bring good. Each memory that I draw on points me back to His goodness and propels me deeper into faith and further into His love which strengthens me for those unexpected times. These memories are the bread crumb trail of hope when I am lost in the darkness.
The idea of remembering is the foundation of the Jewish holiday of Passover. From food to drink- everything was to commemorate what God had done for them and serve as a reminder of the freedom they received from slavery in Egypt. Descendants of the Israelites that didn't physically experience captivity couldn't know the oppression of slavery first hand and therefore might miss the significance of what God had done, unless the tradition of remembering lived on. In time, the Hebrew people would face many hardships, but they could draw strength on the dark places of the past, because God brought them out.
King David suffered many times during his life, but even in his darkest days he chose to remember the goodness and call upon the faithfulness of God that he had known throughout his life to get Him through.
Jesus sat with His disciples, broke bread, drank wine, all so that when they did the same in the future they would remember Him and His sacrifice and that memory would fuel them to carry on their ministries.
Even though the past maybe painful, if we don’t use it to talk about what God has led us out of, we may fall victim to repeat the same fate or live in insecurity, fear and hopelessness.
Choose to let God have full access even to our worst moments, to define as he sees them. Then we will move from a place of earthly defensive striving to an offensive ground taking movement that inspires others to go with. In Jesus, everything can be used for good.
Psalm 77:11-12 I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
